I learned everything I needed to know about motherhood before my first child was even officially born. Of course, I need to continually remember and deepen that learning, but it was all right there in those 72 hours of labor.
Yes, I said 72 hours. Of labor.
I started having regular contractions on a Saturday night, and my daughter wasn’t born until Tuesday night. We had planned to have the baby at home, as I have an irrational fear of hospitals and needles. We had the team in place—a fabulous midwife and doula. We had all the stuff—an inflatable hot tub in our living room, ample towels, pots of soup in the fridge for sustenance. We had everything except the baby.
Every time my contractions would start to intensify, they inevitably plateaued again. I walked. I climbed stairs. I went to a café and tried to do a crossword with my midwife. I ate spicy food. I think I even drank some castor oil. Nothing worked!
As I was walking up to school two afternoons ago to pick up the kids, I ran in to the PTO volunteer coordinator. Months ago, I had told her that my mom, who is a retired librarian, would love to volunteer in the school library. The volunteer coordinator was thrilled, as our school librarian is totally overwhelmed, with no time to re-stack books. And then the politics began—the principal thought the librarian should be able to handle it on his own. The librarian was trying to prove that he had it under control. But now enough time had passed that they were both ready to admit they needed some outside help.
She gave me the inside scoop of what had been going on during those many weeks since I first connected her to Mom. And then, she lowered the boom on me.
“Would you consider running for the board?”
“A Tesla, of course,” she instantly replied.
(My husband is a huge electric car fan and the Tesla is his spirit animal.)
I told her Teslas start at around $80,000, and she grimaced. “OK, I don’t have that much money. What about a toy Tesla?”
So we went online to check out the official Tesla merchandise. We found the T-shirt in that photo up there. I ordered one in my husband’s size and waited for it to arrive.
When it came, it was the wrong size.
Damn Tesla, they screwed it up! I immediately thought when I saw the “S” on the tag.
Last week I wrote about how to get several things done at once by letting all the sides of the Rubik’s cube that is your life meld into one another (if you missed it and don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, it’s here: How to “Get It All Done”—Part 1).
This week I want to talk about another way to take care of everything that’s important to you (your family, your health, your business, your relationship—all of it!).
Instead of wishing I had more hours in the day so I could accomplish more things, I challenge myself to pull back the lens on my time and take a longer view.
Meaning, there are only a few things that I care about doing every day. Because trying to pack a bunch of stuff in to your daily experience is only going to make you feel like there aren’t enough hours available. Read more…
At one of the first coaching retreats I attended, my coach stood in front of the room and drew five circles on the white board. She explained that the most roles any one person could successfully fill was five—what roles were we going to choose to fill our circles with? Then she listed all the possible roles:
I can tell you, the look on everyone’s face as they counted up all the roles they played in their lives was one of downright dejection. I get that it was an interesting visual exercise in the vein of “you can’t be all things to all people,” and that it is necessary to set some expectations and boundaries around what you’ll do for others, particularly when you are also trying to build something new, like a business. Read more…
“I don’t want money!” she yelled. “If you give me any, I’ll just throw it away!”
Now, I think her response came more from her being a creature who was then only beginning to grasp abstract concepts – meaning, unwrapping a toy was about 1,000 times more fun than opening up an envelope with a $10 bill in it. And yet, her comment made me take a step back. What had we been teaching her about money?
In the four years since then, I’ve done a lot of thinking, talking, reading and learning about money. Below are the 11 most important shifts I’ve made in my thinking about the Benjamins, and they’re the kinds of shifts I help my coaching clients make so that they make more of it in ways that feel great to them. I hope they help you start seeing the money in your life—or lack thereof—in new ways. Read more…
Trust me, when I first heard that thud and as we got out of the car, I was thinking some very unkind thoughts about us—we were fuck-ups, we’d ruined our lives, we’d ruined someone else’s life, they were going to take our kids away because we couldn’t be trusted to keep anyone safe.
Then I remembered something I need reminding of consistently, despite my 20 years learning the fine art of observing my thoughts:
There is always a loving reason for every catastrophe, minor or otherwise, if you look for it. Always. (Click to Tweet!)
There will be times when you feel “off” — your mood’s darker than you’d like, you can’t shake the same old worrying thoughts, it feels like you’re trudging through mud.
What follows is a list of things to do for those times. And the whole reason to do these things is that they raise your energy.
When I say “energy,” I’m not talking about what my grandmother used to call “pep.” I’m talking about your vibration, which I get is still a little hard to wrap your brain around. Energy is a little like your mood, but it reaches farther than your mind—it infuses every cell in your body and even extends beyond you.
Energy rules how you see the world and determines the effect you have on other people. It also plays a huge role in what happens to you—because what you put out is what you get back. If you are expecting something to be a waste of time, chances are it will be. If you are feeling hopeful about the world, you’ll typically encounter opportunities that reinforce your view.
If we’re connected on Instagram (@MsMindbody)or Facebook (if we’re not, I’d love to be!), you saw this photo this week. It’s me, making my “Grrrr” face.
I was seriously irritated by something that I just couldn’t shake, despite doing all the things I know typically help me feel calm—I meditated, I talked to my husband, I wrote an angry letter (that I didn’t send, just to get it out of my head), I squeezed the stress ball my daughter made out of a balloon and some Playdough. But still, the aggravation was sticking to me like glitter.
I wanted to post a picture of myself all agitated because people have a perception that if they could just “get Zen,” they wouldn’t ever get upset about anything ever again.
And while it’s true that giving yourself regular opportunities to de-compress and to hear what you really think will in general make you less likely to have over-size reactions to things, you’re still human. You still have buttons. They will still get pressed. And that is actually a beautiful thing. Because emotions are messengers from the subconscious. They let you know when there’s something going on that needs your attention.
Most often, though, that something isn’t necessarily what you think it is.
Feeling broke and wondering how to make money, fast? I’m guessing you’re also feeling some mixture of panic, defeat and self-criticism. Which—while natural, human responses—aren’t going to help you find your back in to the black.
Have a pity party for yourself if you want, but make it finite. Say, one day to feel bad about your situation. And then, get busy on this list of 11 things.
Whether you need money stat, or you’d just like to have a little more money flowing in to your life, these tips will help you get that cash.
Start where you are. The solution isn’t “out there,” several steps down the path. It’s as close as your hands can reach. It’s the person you already know, the contact you’ve already made, the thing you already know how to do. You already possess whatever it is that’s going to help you make that money! This is number one on the list because if you don’t accept that you already have everything you need to get going, you’ll distract yourself by thinking about going back to school or spending three weeks buffing up your resume. Read more…