Here’s what I’m noticing this week: People in a weird, in-between time, where they’ve left their old reality but haven’t quite arrived in their new one yet. They’re feeling scared, at times overwhelmed, and having a hard time connecting to a sense of trust that things will actually work out well.
Been there? I certainly have!
When I was 32, I got dumped by the man I thought I was going to marry. There was no going back to that relationship (I believe the words “over my dead body!” leapt out of my mouth when a friend asked me if I’d get back together if I could). Yet the road ahead seemed so unsure. What if it was too late for me? What if I never learned how to trust again?
[sounds of a roaring crowd]
What, you’re not immediately blown away by this photo? I mean, I get it. It’s not particularly big, nor particularly artfully organized.
But let me put it in context: What you are looking at arrived in about a hundred pieces spread across two large boxes at my house nearly three weeks ago.
I knew putting it together was going to be a challenge. I mean, I can put together an IKEA table pretty well, but this project required two drills, a level, and something called a block plane. It is way, way outside my handiness comfort zone.
A. Follow conventional wisdom, take the choice that looks best on paper
B. Make pro and con lists out the wazoo
C. Poll your friends
D. Avoid making a choice until circumstances make one for you
E. Get quiet, hear what your gut has to say, and then act
What’s your go-to option?
I’m guessing it’s A, B, C, D, or some combination of the above. You’ve definitely had an E experience, but it was years ago, and now you’re wondering if it was just a fluke.
This is a photo of the glorious bathtub my husband chose for our updated bathroom. Bless him, he knows I love a good bath, he really went for it when he was selecting just the right model to host my future soaks.
Only problem – the location of the drain in this beauty didn’t jibe with our plumbing. [Cue the sad trumpets.]
We were in the thick of an interior renovation, trying to get as much done so we could move in and stop paying rent and mortgage. So we ordered a new tub with the right drain location (which is also beautiful, I might add) and kept going. This first tub, which we never even unwrapped, was relegated to the garage.
Where it sat for eight months.
As I write this, my daughter’s first day of kindergarten is tomorrow. It’s a day we’ve been waiting for for a loooong time now. Over the summer, my husband and I were waiting for a date to close on the apartment in Brooklyn that we had been in contract on since April. And in my conversations with prospective clients, I’ve been hearing a lot of “I just need to wait until…” I’ve got waiting on the brain.
Something I tell my kids all the time is, “Sometimes we have to wait.” (I say it at red lights, in line at the grocery store, or when all the swings are full and my kids want to know why?? Why can’t we go where we want to go or do what we want to do right at this moment?)
There is no escaping waiting. You can be patient or impatient when it happens, but still, the waiting is there.
There are a few ways waiting can play out in your life: On one end of the spectrum you’ve got a total standstill while you wait. On the other, you go in to a frenzy of making plans just so you can feel in control of something, and all that activity that’s done as a result of trying to push away uncomfortable feelings (of needing to wait) will only need to be changed once X comes to pass.
The Virtual Chill Tour wrapped up last night with our final set of replays.
Sigh. I’ve got such a sweet love hangover from it all – the conversations I had with some of my favorite people, the flashbulbs that went off in my head as my guests shared their insights, the great feedback I’ve gotten from some of you listeners, the connections that were made.
None of it would have been possible without you. THANK YOU for showing up and for committing some of your time to the powerful idea of doing less.
If you missed any calls, you can still purchase all 8 audio files and add them to your media library for ever and ever. The cost is $27, and it includes the ebook version of my book, The Anywhere, Anytime Chill Guide (a $10 value).
You’re looking at pictures of my summer purse and its contents. I chose the purse three years ago because it went with everything, could easily carry snacks and water bottles for two kids, and was cheap. True story!
I hadn’t thought much about it since then. Until yesterday, that is. Yesterday, I took my Virtual Chill Tour guest Danielle Watson up on her generous offer to all Chill Tour participants to do a complementary Purse Process—her signature service where she asks you all about your purse and its contents and then reveals what your purse might be telling you about who and where you are versus who and where you want to be. (Intrigued? Email me and I’ll connect you with Danielle.)
I’ve had “host a telesummit” on my list of things to do for over a year now. A telesummit is when one person interviews a bunch of other people about a particular topic on a series of phone calls, and everyone involved promotes the event to their people. It’s a great way to build your list of subscribers and offer a lot of insight and points of view in a way that’s free and convenient to listeners. Overall, it’s a win-win for everyone involved, and I am a huge fan of win-wins!
But everytime I looked at that item on my to-do list and went to write it in on my calendar, a big part of me said “Ugh.” It just seemed like so much work. So many details to coordinate. I didn’t want to make all those little details happen. So I blew it off.
Then one day I was on the phone with a colleague. We were just chatting – sharing what we were up to, cool things we wanted to do. I was lying on the floor at the time with my legs resting on the coffee table. I was totally relaxed. So when the idea of the Virtual Chill Tour bubbled up during the course of that call, I was ready to let it happen.
This one’s for all the perfectionists out there. By which I mean those of you who futz over things until they’re “just so.” And those of you who can get paralyzed come decision time because you want to make the “right” choice. Or who notice yourself rejecting a lot of what you hear from others because in your head, the crap they’re spewing doesn’t line up with what you know to be “true”.
(Hint: It’s easy to be a perfectionist and not know it. I never identified as a perfectionist – you should see how crazy I look when I leave the house sometimes! – yet I definitely spent years feeling the need to be right.)
I want to drop something on you that I hope will blow your mind. Maybe not right away, but let it sink in and see what kinds of tendrils it sprouts:
There are no mistakes.
Nope, not even one. Not even that one thing that immediately popped in your head when you read it. Everything, everything, that happens shows up to give us the opportunity to grow into the person we’re capable of being.
I know all about it, because I lived it. My first foray in to the corporate world, at the ripe old age of 22, consisted of working two jobs – I’d work from 6-8 am in a stock broker’s office, then go to my “dream” job (an editorial assistant position that only paid $7.50/hour) from 8:30 – 5. Later, I worked 50 hours a week at an Internet start-up while getting a master’s degree in educational technology and communications in the evenings. I worked hard, yo!
There is a definite thrill to going after what you want, and doing it in a big way.