What you focus on grows. (Click to Tweet!)
Which begs the question – what are you focusing on?
It’s so tempting to hone in on what’s going wrong. The skill you don’t have. The hole in your resume. The fight you just keep having again and again. They symptom that keeps coming back. The client or the lover who got away.
The problem is, your awareness has undeniable energy. It’s a scientific principle that the very act of observing something affects the outcome. When all you can see is what’s not working, you’re giving that undesirable thing strength.
To me, March feels a lot like one whole month of PMS. (Sorry, gentleman for the gender specific analogy, but surely you have had some indirect experience of this female phenomenon that can help you relate.)
I mean, sure, there are other troublesome times of year. Some folks can’t stand August’s heat. Or December’s dark days. For me, the mud, the up-and-then-down temperatures, and the phenomenon of it being colder in the house than it is outside are all real buggers! It’s enough to make me downright irritable sometimes.
The good news is that, just as with PMS, there’s a big release heading your way. You may not know exactly when it’s coming, but you know that it is imminent. Soon enough, all this “Isn’t it spring yet?!” angst will be relieved.
But that doesn’t mean you have to just suck it up and endure until sundress weather arrives for real. Here are a few things you can do to make the waiting more tolerable and less emotionally volatile. Read more…
Raise your hand if you’ve ever uttered those words. Thought so. I know I have!
I’ve been on yoga retreats, and coaching retreats, and even girlfriends’ weekends where I had such great clarity and a sense of ease and possibility. And then I’ve come home and that momentum seems to disappear. Something happens – like a potential client says no, or my husband or my kids do something annoying – and it has felt like I can hear the balloon that was lifting my spirits pop.
I used to take the setbacks that come after a new insight as ominous. “I knew I was crazy to think I could really do whatever I was just so convinced I could do.”
If this has happened to, or is happening to you, congratulations. You’re human. =)
“I don’t know if it’s the homeopathic remedy I’m taking, or the restorative yoga I’ve been doing, or working with you, but I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER.”
As cool as it would be for me to be able to take 100% credit <cue Dr. Evil laughter>, the truth is, it’s everything she’s doing—including deciding to invest in and focus on herself.
When you are focusing on healing old stuff and creating new stuff, no one thing is going to create the results you’re after. It’s the combination of a few different things—whether related to each other or not—that really helps the dots connect and the pieces slide into place.
No, not one of those days – the kind where you sigh and roll your eyes and wait for the storm to pass.
One of those other kind of days, where you see that those things that were once just a glimmer in your mind, still only a desire, actually did come to fruition.
It was a great frickin day. =)
It was President’s Day, which meant a school holiday. And yet, with all the snow days and sick days, I had some work that my heart and my to-do list both really wanted to get done.
In my old life, I would have asked, “Should I blow off my work? Or should I outsource the care of my kids so I can kick out the jams?” I used to be very in to the either/or. It felt so clear, like a relief.
Except it wasn’t. Whenever I was doing one option, I felt bad about neglecting the other. I wrote some about this in my post on de-compartmentalizing.
Nowadays, my mantra is “Both.” Now, trust me, I am a firm believer in making decisions from your gut, so you can move forward, take action, and get feedback. So you can then make another, more informed decision. But the choice doesn’t have to be one or the other, on or off, this or that.
The idea of mindfulness is getting a lot of play these days. Like in this piece, “More Mindfulness, Less Meditation,” by Tony Scott, which appeared on NYTimes.com last week.
I mean, I am a proponent of mindfulness–applying a meditative focus to pretty much anything. Indeed I am! Many of my heroes – Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh, Jack Kornfield — have done a lot of incredible and important work to teach mindfulness, to study it, and to inspire people to practice it.
Mindfulness is definitely off the cushion and out into the world: It is taught as a stress-reduction technique with boatloads of studies to support its benefits. It’s a big piece of treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder, which is such an important thing to have an effective, simple, and accessible treatment for. Clinical psychologists are even using it to help women revive their flagging libidos (here’s a downloadable PDF of an article I wrote for Whole Living magazine about that a few years back). It works.
Before I go too much further, what is mindfulness, exactly? Here’s a standard definition of it, according to Jon Kabat-Zin: “The awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.”
Or, put more simply, “Paying attention to paying attention.”
Sometimes someone else just nails it: Sums up what you do in a succinct, totally relatable way.
(Thank you, dear client! I love you and am totally honored to have worked with you!)
I’m starting to think about re-vamping my website, so I’ve been really trying to distill what I do and why I do it so I can convey it in a handful of paragraphs. Even though I don’t feel ‘ready’ to deal with the logistics of re-creating my website, it’s all I want to think about! So, in this newsletter, I’m going to honor that desire and get some thoughts down on paper.
(I was also inspired to think about plain-language ways to talk about my point of view by this interview I did with the lovely Brooke Thomas of Fascia Freedom Fighters.)
And really, the basis of what I do as a coach is all about seeing.
We are obsessed with the Disney movie Frozen in our household. Even me. Well, maybe not my husband, but I’m pretty sure he knows all the words to the soundtrack, as it’s on constant repeat in our car.
As an example, my 3 year-old-son, Teddy, the other day said, “Mommy, you and I were just meant to be.” My heart instantly puddled and I told him, “Aww Teddy, I think so too.” Two beats later, he said, “Mommy, what does ‘meant to be’ mean?” I had forgotten it’s a line from a Frozen song.
Which…how could I forget? Not only do I know all the words, but they pretty much never fail to bring a tear to my eye. Especially when Elsa sings “Let It Go.”
But first, let me offer a brief synopsis for those who haven’t seen the movie =).
Elsa is the elder daughter of a king and queen. She’s blonde, beautiful, and has also been cursed with the power to freeze things with icy beams that shoot from her hands. Anna is her spunky, plucky, red-headed younger sister.
One of my all-time favorite movies is an oldie-but-goodie: It Happened One Night, starring Claudette Colbert and Clark Gable. Claudette is a socialite in distress and Clark is the rake (natch) who gives her a ride cross-country in hopes of selling her story and cementing his success as a journalist. They share hotel rooms along the way but, this being the 30s, they hang a blanket up in between their beds each night, dividing the room into his and hers. It’s the perfect solution, it seems. Until, Claudette yanks it down one night and their romance is born.
What does this have to do with anything, except a great recommendation to add to your Netflix queue? (Seriously, if you love rom-coms, it’s a must-watch!)
I used to have quite a few of those blankets hanging up in my inner environment. I subconsciously spent a lot of time deciding what was safe to reveal to whom. I learned it early—as the only child of divorced parents, I figured out that when I told my Dad about something Mom and I had done together, he’d feel left out, and when I told my Mom about something Dad and I had done together, she’d get angry.
Note to the esteemed gentlemen on my list: I love that you are here SO MUCH. I welcome you and congratulate you for signing up. And I want to warn you, this post is about periods. =) It doesn’t mean you won’t necessarily find it helpful – particularly if you’re in a relationship with someone who has a period – but this is definitely one that’s skewed toward the ladies. I understand if you stop reading here.
As I write this, it is the official release date of my new book, The 28 Days Lighter Diet.
Can I get a whoop-whoop!?
And I wanted to offer some of the advice from the book that relates to relationships. I mean, a big piece of the book focuses squarely on diet and fitness. It’s tactical, it’s practical, it’s straight-forward, and I love it.
But hey. I’m a life coach. I really groove on the emotional stuff. =) So that’s what I’m going to share with you today.