This is a photo of a top I purchased in 2007 while visiting my grandmother in Florida. We were at Loehmann’s, which was a little bit too posh for my grandmother—she preferred to do her discount shopping at TJ Maxx. Preferably on Tuesdays, when seniors get an extra discount.
But I had dragged her to Loehmann’s, because I love it. She was humoring me, because she loved me. We did our usual routine—circle the store, amass a huge pile of clothes to try on, and then hit the dressing room. She’d mostly nod no, but occasionally some piece of clothing would get a thoughtful look and elicit a “Not bad.”
I tried this shirt on, and my grandmother couldn’t get on board. Especially after she looked at the price tag. A silk shirt from Theory, it was $100. At Loehmann’s. She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. I looked at myself in the mirror. I loved it. She grimaced. I bought it.
I’m guessing that if we took a picture of your kitchen sink at this very moment, it wouldn’t look anything like this beauty. Am I right?
I’d also wager that how you feel about the disparity between your real-world sink and this idealized version reveals quite a lot about, well everything: your relationship, your self-esteem, even your productivity and fulfillment on the career front.
How can a sink and its contents possibly have any bearing on all these other areas? Because, my dear friends:
This is for all you smart cookies out there. You know who you are—you’re good at anticipating things that are going to happen, you can see all sides of an issue, you’re great at doing what you say you’re going to do, you care about doing a good job and are capable of getting a lot of great things done.
I’m guessing that if you recognize yourself in the above description, you also have a tendency to over-think. Sometimes those smarts work against you, in that they’ve got you convinced that if you just think hard enough, you’ll be able to figure everything out—what to do, what to say, who to be.
I have news for you:
Sometimes you just don’t know how things are going to go down.
“Pull in your horns.”
Throughout my 20s and 30s, I spoke with my grandmother every Saturday morning—she would call like clockwork at 9am, much to my roommates’ and then my husband’s chagrin. She’d always ask if anything exciting had happened. And in those inevitable times when I relayed some setback, she’d reply, “It’s time to pull in your horns.”
Which basically meant, stop spending money.
It makes sense that she felt this way; after all, Gommy did live through the Depression. But here’s what I know now: Money is energy. If you try and cut off the outgoing flow, you will also cut off the incoming flow. “Pulling in your horns” = contraction. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the money in my life to contract.
Here’s proof that there are messages from the universe everywhere: I was reading People magazine last night, and it completely validated and reiterated something that’s been coming in to my awareness (and popping up in my talks with clients).
It’s about one of my favorite words.
I was reading an article about Anne Hathaway, and what she’s up to now that she’s been an Oscar winner for a full year now. Turns out she’s a Broadway fanatic, and she quotes one of her favorite lyrics from Stephen Sondheim’s play Into the Woods:
“Must it all be either less or more / Either plain or grand? / Is it always or? / Is it never and?”
And then she says, “I kind of approach my life from a place of and.”
What I think people are trying to say when they utter those words is, “I shouldn’t get so upset. I should be more serene, all the time, no matter what is happening. I should be able to shut down my feelings.”
Am I right?
What I hear when I hear people say it is, “I’m afraid to feel my emotions.” And, “I feel bad about the way I’m feeling right now. Something about what I’m feeling is wrong.”
It sounds like an enlightened thing to say, but there’s a lot of fear and self-judgment implied in those six little words. And I can promise you one thing – fear and self-judgment are a great way to get and stay upset.
I am a big fan of taking action. All kinds of action, really – small consistent steps that add up to greatness over time, anything that’s different than what you would normally do, anything that gets you out of being stuck, anything that will give you feedback that you can use to decide what action to take next.
If you want different results, you’ve got to take different actions. (Click to Tweet!)
But there is one action that’s always in your back pocket that it is all too easy to forget about. And maybe even a little scary to contemplate. But it is so powerful. Like, dropping an eight in a game of Crazy Eights powerful. Lay this puppy down and bam! Everything changes.
There was a time in my life where I felt the need to stay busy at all costs. As a Girl Scout, I earned so many badges my Mom had to resort to stapling them on to my sash instead of the painstaking process of sewing them. In high school, I entered every contest that crossed my path—essays, talent shows, beauty pageants. It didn’t really matter whether I won or not – all I cared about was which one was coming up next. In college, I joined just about every extra-curricular club there was, and worked a couple jobs to boot. As a freelance writer, I not only made sure I had several assignments at any given time, I worked and re-worked every article multiple times before I turned it in; I didn’t want to merely meet deadlines, I wanted to wow.
I gotta admit, old habits die hard. Even though now I’ve learned – thanks to motherhood, a couple episodes of burnout, and coaching – that when I don’t spend ample time doing things I love simply for the sake of enjoying myself everything in my life suffers, I still occasionally find myself in overdrive mode. I know you know what this feels like: Read more…
What you focus on grows. (Click to Tweet!)
Which begs the question – what are you focusing on?
It’s so tempting to hone in on what’s going wrong. The skill you don’t have. The hole in your resume. The fight you just keep having again and again. They symptom that keeps coming back. The client or the lover who got away.
The problem is, your awareness has undeniable energy. It’s a scientific principle that the very act of observing something affects the outcome. When all you can see is what’s not working, you’re giving that undesirable thing strength.
To me, March feels a lot like one whole month of PMS. (Sorry, gentleman for the gender specific analogy, but surely you have had some indirect experience of this female phenomenon that can help you relate.)
I mean, sure, there are other troublesome times of year. Some folks can’t stand August’s heat. Or December’s dark days. For me, the mud, the up-and-then-down temperatures, and the phenomenon of it being colder in the house than it is outside are all real buggers! It’s enough to make me downright irritable sometimes.
The good news is that, just as with PMS, there’s a big release heading your way. You may not know exactly when it’s coming, but you know that it is imminent. Soon enough, all this “Isn’t it spring yet?!” angst will be relieved.
But that doesn’t mean you have to just suck it up and endure until sundress weather arrives for real. Here are a few things you can do to make the waiting more tolerable and less emotionally volatile. Read more…